The Fast and the Furious

I grew up in church hearing messages of fasting...one is to abstain from certain foods, or all food, for a period of time to grow closer to the Lord. Honestly, I didn't get it. My first question was, "why would anyone ever want to go for a prolonged period of time without eating?" And close behind that came, "why does it make a difference...can't God speak to me with a full belly?" This has always been my view of fasting...until now.

I am on the last day of a seven day fast. Over the course of several days of praying over my youngest son and his persistent issue with eating, the Lord kept bringing the word "fast" to mind. I shrugged Him off for several days. I even questioned why on earth He would think such a thing would be good for me - doesn't He understand what it's like being a mother to three small children that are in constant need of attention? How am I actually supposed to have any opportunity to get alone with the Lord when the requests for potty, juice, snacks, and T.V. never come to an end? It didn't matter how disobedient I was He kept telling me the same thing..."fast, fast, fast." I knew this had to have only come from Him because I really like to eat. So I cratered and started my fast on January 29th.

There were times when I did eat...and this sick little thing called guilt started to set in. How evil! Satan is so good at manipulating the truth and making us feel like we are failures. One of the most important lessons I learned during this week is that there are no rules when it comes to hearing from the Father. I wrote down several questions I wanted answered during this past week pertaining to my youngest offspring, parenting, and selfish behavior. As each day ticked by I became more frustrated (and yes, furious) when I didn't see the immediate answer to my questions. Had I asked them enough? Were my questions not worth answering? Was I not spending the quality time with the Lord that He required of me? (again...satan rearing his ugly head) After my seven days my answer came in Psalm 121.

I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

Three words keep ringing in my ears, "I am here."

What about Baby A eating? "I am here."

How do I spend more time with my children and have enough time for me? "I am here."

What do I do about the guilt of failing as a parent? "I am here."

Thank you Lord for just being.